Suffering

Nadeem and I spend time alone and together asking God what is the point of us being here and enduring this suffering. I'd love to say that we're like the apostle Paul and have learned to be content in all circumstances through Christ's strength, but we're not there yet!
I'm reading Corrie Ten Boom's true story of her experience in a prison and concentration camp as a result of hiding Jewish people in her family's home during the Holocaust. She's quite amazing to me-her whole attitude during suffering. Believe me, our experience pales in comparison to hers! In one part of the book, she describes the experience she and her sister had in the worst concentration camp. They were forced to sleep on the ground outside in the rain even though her sister was ill. They had to wake up at 4 a.m. and stand like soldiers in a line for hours on end. They barely got any food. Some people there were tortured in front of them. They had lice all over their bodies even though they had cut off all their hair. Then they were forced to walk naked in front of jeering guards so that they could have medical exams and a group shower with 50 women.
As they walked, Corrie had a revelation. She leaned forward and whispered to her sister that Jesus had hung naked on the cross in front of jeering people. As I read this, I too had a revelation. As I read Corrie's story I was horrified, my eyes glued to the page. It suddenly hit me in a new way that Jesus went through so much more suffering than Corrie and certainly than me, more so than anyone on the face of the earth-all because He loves us so much. If Jesus could endure so much suffering for me, and I'm following Him, then surely I can endure suffering out of love for Kalina. I saw God in a new light-full of love and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, not as some distant God who has abandoned us here in this land of suffering.
Of course, right after I had this revelation I was tested in this area. Kalina is out of formula and diapers again. The package is two days late. Nobody knows where it is or when it will arrive. She hates the weak formula we purchase for her here. Lsat night she tossed and turned all night, keeping us awake. She would wake up, take a sip of the bottle, and return to a fitful sleep. This morning Nadem and I were exhausted and frustrated. Have you ever noticed that everything seems worse when you're really tired? I was mad to still be here, mad to have to wait for approval from a system, mad to have no sleep, mad that Kalina has no proper supplies, and even mad that the servants cooked my eggs wrong this morning-one small pleasure I look forward to every day. Hmmm....yesterday I was delighted to participate to some small degree in the sufferings of Christ to show my love to Kalina, and today it's all about me again. I'm thankful that God's love does not depend on His mood. He never gets tired. His love is perfect.
Today I'm thankful also for Michael Crowther who is working to post a counter on our blog so we can see how many people are able to read our story. We pray all the time that God will use our story to bless you, that you will see God's love and power. I'm also thankful for Pastor Dennis Rouse of Victory World Church in Norcross, Georgia. God has used his sermons to inspire and transform us so that we were better prepared for this faith journey.
Thank you all for continuing to pray for us!
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God...in this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him....Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
-I John 4:7,9,11