Love Your Neighbor

From Nadeem:

"Love your neighbor as yourself" This message is in the Torah, all over the Bible, and also in the Muslim's Holy Qu'ran. But how can I love my neighbor when I spend all my time in judgement of my neighbor? I have been battling with this sin issue for a long time and have given it up to the Lord, but with no results. Let's be honest. Not only are we constantly judging ourselves but we lose patience with the ones we love the most - me starting with my beautiful, wonderful wife (Hey, it never hurts to score some points) and my pretty new daughter, Kalina, only after one month and a half. "God in Heaven, help me give up myself, let go of my pride, and love my neighbor." I have earnestly been praying that prayer for over a year.
Now God has brought me to a place where this is even harder to do. We are now in a culture where gossiping (gupshup - the one Bengla word I have known since childhood)is the number one activity. It is very hard to not get caught up in all the gupshup. Yes, I am being judgmental of my own people. Why does God seem to make things harder when answering prayers? Could it be because I am so hard headed and easy to forget what I learn?

The first thing Christ has done is work on my pride. I feel like I have no significance here - none. I am in control of nothing. The people don't respect me because I don't speak Bangla. I can maybe understand about 50% of what is said, and the times I do understand 100% is when someone is talking bad about me. What is up with that? Yes, I am turning the other cheek, but hitting walls inside my head and filling up with enough anxiety that I want to throw up. It is a very humbling experience to depend on others for your food, transportation, communication, security, etc. I turn to Ecclesiastes where it says life is meaningless. Of course, without Christ leading your life this is true. I like that old song, "I surrender all". I just wish it was easier to surrender all.

Between 2am and 5am (timing varies) I go into our little bathroom and try to spend some time with God. Of course, I cry for deliverance and ask God why he has forsaken me. I also pray for what I want, but usually I just yell about getting back to the States. Two nights ago the Lord finally quieted me down - Can you believe I complain when Kalina starts crying? God has started teaching me how to love my neighbor. For the first time since I became a Christian, none of my prayers were about me. Instead, all were God directed towards my neighbors. I know these prayers will be answered because they are from God. These are not selfish prayers, but prayers directed towards the healing of others. Actually, it does give me a huge feeling of peace to pray for all my friends and family in the States. I really believe this intercessory prayer must be the most powerful. First, you have to let go of your pride and think of your neighbor first. Start asking God what your neighbor needs instead of asking what you need. Of course, I still think of myself first, but I pray to the Great "I Am" that we can all love our neighbors like ourselves.

For the first time since I have been in Bangladesh, I went out on my own today. I started out with an open heart to love my neighbor and not judge them just because they were not like me. I really had a good outing. First I walked to the pharamacy to get some baby wipes, then to the bok store to get some paper and pens and finally to a restaurant to pick up some grilled chicken. Of course, everybody knew I was a foreigner, but treated me really nice and smiled back at me as I tried to figure out how much money I was giving out. God is with you. Peace!