Weary Soldiers

Every day I pray before writing the blog. I'm always amazed at what God prompts me to write. Every once in a while, especially if I'm feeling disconnected from God, I write my own entry. They're usually nothing spiritual, just giving information about the culture and country here. Today I had a hint of a message to share. I had planned on entitling it something like "Finding the Beauty." However, the human part of me is grumbling and rebelling and saying "I don't want to write about that! I want to go home! I'm tired of finding the beauty!" In an ongoing attempt to honestly share our struggles, I've decided to go with "weary soldiers" instead.
This week Muslims are celebrating the holiday Eid. Here many families and even their servants have taken time to visit families away from the city in the villages. Our driver has already taken his time off, and one servant is currently away. The third servant, a teenage girl, cannot take her time off until next weekend. She's the newest and youngest servant, so the others got first priority. She's very upset. No offense to any teens reading this blog, but you know how teens sometimes get, well, moody?? Now you're getting the picture! The other day Nadeem thanked her for preparing our breakfast. She mumbled something in Bangla in response with her head down, storming back into the kitchen. I asked Nadeem what she had said. He kind of laughed and translated for me: "I want to go to the village." I wanted to make sure I had heard him correctly. "You mean when you said thank you she answered I want to go to the village??" Yes, that was correct! I kind of laughed, too, but inside part of me really understood!
Part of me feels like stomping around yelling, not mumbling, but yelling, "I want to go home!" Just like this servant girl, my time to leave has not yet arrived. How do I respond in the days remaining? I know the right answer. Nadeem and I both are accutely aware of how we should be responding and how in fact we're feeling. It's a hard battle. We're weary soldiers for Christ! Luckily God doesn't issue report cards because we wouldn't currently receive passing grades in the areas of peace, gratitude, patience, or contentment. God does, fortunately, issue grace, mercy, strength, and forgiveness. Thank You, God! God knows that we're weary, struggling, and grumbling in our hearts. He loves us anyhow!
I've mentioned before that we often take Kalina to the roof of the building to get some fresh air. It's the main place the children here play. I find it very ugly and depressing. Now that school's out for the winter holidays, there are often kids on the roof, or "terraces" to use the euphemism of the Bangla people. The kids try to play badminton, but their equipment is poor, and sometimes the shuttlecock goes flying off the roof, quickly ending their game. It's not like the recess field in our schools at home where a kid can quickly jump the fence while the teacher is distracted and retrieve a ball. There are pipes everywhere on the concrete floor, so the kids can't easily run or play other games.
I just learned that the roof used to be a place of beauty. Kids and families would go there to play and celebrate. There was a small garden and lots of potted plants. The concrete was smooth, and there was a badminton court. I became very excited! Perhaps the people could recreate this! My idea was not met with enthusiasm. Servants would have to use some of their time to tend to the plants, the potted plants harbored disease carrying mosquitos, and quite frankly, people just weren't that interested in rehabilitating the roof. I was disappointed.
I love the illustration of life from Rick Warren that our prayer warrior friend, Ed Potts, posted on our blog this week. Instead of viewing life as mountains and valleys, view it as a railroad track. You always have both good and bad running parallel in your life. Nadeem and I took Kalina to the roof yesterday afternoon with a specific mission-I wanted to capture a picture of the sunset. I had noticed its striking beauty the other day in contrast to the harshness of the roof. Nadeem wanted to take a photo of Kalina and me on the roof so we could remember how we'd go there for fresh air. Every time we go to the roof, we can choose if we'd like to focus on the clotheslines, concrete floor, the cawing crows, and the dirt or the blue sky (it rarely rains), the tiny birds, the sunset, the breeze, and the potted flowers we see from a distance.
Life is like this, too. We can choose to find the beauty in our circumstances or dwell on the negatives. Because Nadeem and I are in the middle of a big struggle, hopefully I can say this without sounding too preachy or like Pollyanna. The truth is that we have great difficulty in finding the beauty. I believe that this gift comes from God. Naturally we choose to look at what's wrong whether than what's right, what's ugly rather than what's lovely.
Yes, we're weary, but God has always given us strength for each day. He fills us with faith when we turn to Him. He helps us see the beauty. As my friend Angela said the other day, "Trudge on" or, in prettier terms, "Onward Christian soldiers."
Thank you so much for praying for us and for caring! We'd like to send a special thanks to the wonderful team of men led by John Lockwood for taking care of our front yard this week. We greatly appreciate you!!!!